Life with Him & Her

Her:    The bathroom is awful.
Him:   It was working fine a few minutes ago.
Her:    It’s old fashioned. Needs an update.
Him:   Girlfriends coming to play cards?
Her:    I wonder how much a remodel costs?
Him:   I’ll google cheap fixtures by Friday.

Him:   Would you like to be single again?
Her:    Sounds like crowds, loud music and tired.
Him:   We could do whatever we want.
Her:    What did you do when you were single?
Him:   Looked for somebody to settle down with.
Her:    Then you found perfect little me.
Him:   Right, and doubled the laundry. Ouch….
Her:    I knew Karate would pay off some day.

Him:   New Year’s resolutions? It’s January.
Her:    I didn’t make any.
Him:   Tired of fighting the battle?
Her:    I’m good enough as is.
Him:   Want some suggestions?
Her:    Only if I get to make some too.
Him:   Your turn is next year.

Him:   Joe complained all morning.
Her:    What is it this week?
Him:   Family finances.
Her:    Let me guess. She spends too much.
Him:   Only his income. She keeps hers.
Her:    Why didn’t I think of that?
Him:   We would have to stop eating.

Her:    What’s with the hockey helmet?
Him:   Bicycle helmet, one buck at a yard sale.
Her:    You don’t have a bicycle.
Him:   There are other yard sales.
Her:    When did you get so smart?
Him:   One step for a man – giant leap later.

Him:   I’m not a morning person.
Her:    Mornings are the best time of day.
Him:   I hate leaving the warm bed.
Her:    Why? You’ve been in it all night.
Him:   It’s better than the morning drudgery.
Her:    So you hate the morning routine.
Him:   I guess so.
Her:    Why don’t you change it?
Him:   Good question.

Her:    I’m always tired.
Him:   Try sleeping at night.
Her:    I try, but mostly toss and turn.
Him:   Can’t shut the mind off?
Her:    No. It’s perpetual motion.
Him:   Think of a wall painted black.
Her:    Why?
Him:   Because it works.

Him:   I’m looking for a job.
Her:    What’s wrong with the one you have?
Him:   The people are jerks, we don’t get along.
Her:    What will be different at the new place?
Him:   I’ll smile and be nice.
Her:    Duh.

Her:   Jane got promoted today. She’s my boss.
Him:  Isn’t she newer there than you?
Her:   Yes but she learns fast. Studies on breaks.
Him:  What do you do on breaks?
Her:   Nothing really, just rest.
Him:  Well at least you’re well rested.

Him:   The holiday season wears me out.
Her:    Tired already? It’s six months away.
Him:   Extra work, expense, obligations.
Her:    Ignore it. Too broke and too busy.
Him:   I’ll miss the fun.
Her:    I’ll bring you a cookie.

Her:   I screwed up.
Him:  How?
Her:   Joked, customer got insulted, bad scene.
Him:  One of those now-I-feel-stupid days.
Her:   Right. The boss was cold as ice after that.
Him:  Learn anything?

Him:  If I had it to do over again I’d be rich.
Her:   How would you do that?
Him:  I’d work hard, save, invest in the right stuff.
Her:   Why didn’t you do that before?
Him:  I was always going to do it later.
Her:   Is this later?