It aint necessarily so

Grandma told mom “The way to a mans heart is
through his stomach.”
(Culinary school guarantees a
good marriage.)

I have also heard clever advice from other sources.
Such as:

“Take care of Mama in bed or somebody else will.”
(The eleven o’clock news is over. One more chore and
I can get some sleep.)

“Watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of
themselves.”
(I finally solved the toilet paper use, now
I can tackle the paper clip problem.)

“Never stroke upward when shaving.” (Stand on your
head for half of it.)

“On payday, pay yourself first.” (Mortgage, utilities,
creditors, food and insurance if anything is left over.)

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” (Now I know
where to get rid of all my old sick horses.)

“You can enjoy Vegas without gambling.” (I’ll fly
there to go swimming.)

“It is darkest just before dawn.” (I’ll take your word
for it. Now about this six month old invoice you owe…)

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Ken